It didn't make sense as a reason for a group of people to be together, but he couldn't formulate any other unifying factor.
He never knew if it was just an expression of his own insecurities but it was a scenario that had played out in his life over and over again. Any time he got to know someone he was slightly in awe of he couldn't bring himself to believe that their relationship had any degree of parity. Far more likely, wasn't it, that someone was just doing him a favour by deigning to let him spend time with them than that they were his friend. In fact he started to feel guilty for wasting their time on him. Not only was this person in a different division of cool than was he, but he was actively dragging them down every time he imposed himself.
In such a situation he always seemed to come to the same conclusion: if he really admired someone that much he had to stop preventing them from being admirable. It was never hard; he knew these people would forget about him if he only stopped reminding them of his existence. Retreating gracefully, he vowed through tears of regret never to contact them again.
And here they all were, at some sort of party in some sort of function room which someone had spent a scant few moments decorating. He wandered amongst them but nobody saw him. People he had known years and miles apart were laughing together like old friends, though they couldn't possibly have met. This was a room full of wonderful people. This was a room full of people who were, as he had posited, much better off without him.
Pausing only for a last cautionary glimpse of each formerly familiar face, he slipped unnoticed out a back door.
He never knew if it was just an expression of his own insecurities but it was a scenario that had played out in his life over and over again. Any time he got to know someone he was slightly in awe of he couldn't bring himself to believe that their relationship had any degree of parity. Far more likely, wasn't it, that someone was just doing him a favour by deigning to let him spend time with them than that they were his friend. In fact he started to feel guilty for wasting their time on him. Not only was this person in a different division of cool than was he, but he was actively dragging them down every time he imposed himself.
In such a situation he always seemed to come to the same conclusion: if he really admired someone that much he had to stop preventing them from being admirable. It was never hard; he knew these people would forget about him if he only stopped reminding them of his existence. Retreating gracefully, he vowed through tears of regret never to contact them again.
And here they all were, at some sort of party in some sort of function room which someone had spent a scant few moments decorating. He wandered amongst them but nobody saw him. People he had known years and miles apart were laughing together like old friends, though they couldn't possibly have met. This was a room full of wonderful people. This was a room full of people who were, as he had posited, much better off without him.
Pausing only for a last cautionary glimpse of each formerly familiar face, he slipped unnoticed out a back door.
No comments:
Post a Comment